The CISSP Song

[rslade]

CISSP Song
Lyrics by Rob Slade slade@victoria.tc.ca rslade@vcn.bc.ca rslade@gmail.com

Sung to the tune of "The Major General's Song," from "Pirates of Penzance," by Gilbert and Sullivan


CISSP (solo):
I am a Certifiable Security Professional
I've countermeasures physical, administrative, technical
I know the ports of TCP and backdoors with malign intent
And survey risk analysis to prove the safeguards wisely spent
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters of the blackhat crew
Attendance on the IRC phrack channel makes my colleagues stew
With viruses and zero days I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the weaknesses in Usenet news

CISO Chorus:
With many cheerful facts about the weaknesses in Usenet news (etc.)

CISSP:
I'm very good at ACLs and mandatory access modes
I know the disassembled names of CPU compare opcodes
In short, in matters physical, administrative, technical
I am the very model of an infosec professional!

Chorus:
In short, in matters physical, administrative, technical
He is the very model of an infosec professional!

CISSP:
I know our mythic history, LaPadula, Biba, and Bell
I know the biometric facts, memorized CERs as well
I understand the lattice, roles, rules, and discretion base
And pseudorandomize my keys to maximize the address space
I've tokens, tickets, one-time passwords, smart cards and a kerberos
And Centralized Remote Authentication to remove the dross
I'm proof against the DoS, Man-in-the-Middle and brute force attacks
My proprietary off-the-shelf stuff's licenced and it never cracks.

Chorus:
His proprietary off-the-shelf's all licenced and it never cracks.

CISSP:
My audit logs are analysed, detect intrusions evey time
My legal counsel's up to date with all the best computer crime
In short, in matters physical, administrative, technical
I am the very model of an infosec professional!

Chorus:
In short, in matters physical, administrative, technical
He is the very model of an infosec professional!

CISSP:
In fact when I know what is meant by "data link" and "twisted pair"
When I can tell a fibre optic cable from a trigger hair
When Internet Explorer I no longer use the Web to surf
Or let my users chat on IRC on all my network turf
When I have learnt that firewalls can filter out the packets bad
When I know that the guy with foreign bank accounts might be a cad
In short when I've a wee bit of professional paranoia
You'll say a better CISSP has never addressed yuh.

Chorus:
You'll say a better CISSP has never addressed yuh.

CISSP:
For my security training, managerial though it may be
Lacks practical direction and real-world applicability
But still, in matters physical, administrative, technical
I am the very model of an infosec professional!

Chorus:
But still, in matters physical, administrative, technical
He is the very model of an infosec professional!

[rslade]

And, yes, they did make a CISSP "Downfall" parody ...

[Shannon]

1st time I came across the original song was while watching an episode of 'Two and a Half Men' --- wherein Alan Harper is trying to motivate his son.

Imagining him (Alan Harper) singing it with the lyrics here got me ROFL.

@rslade, I think this warrants the creation of --- and your nomination for --- a Grammy badge. 

[rslade]

> Shannon (Contributor I) mentioned you in a post!

> 1st time I came across the original song was while watching an episode of 'Two
> and a Half Men' --- wherein Alan Harper is trying to motivate his son.  

We've got a set of some Gilbert and Sullivan stuff that Stratford did in co-
production with CBC, and "Pirates of Penzance" is one of them. The actor who
played the Pirate King was, at the time, also playing Henry the V in one of the
Stratford main productions, and keeps bursting into speeches from that in the
middle of Pirates 🙂

> Imagining him (Alan Harper) singing it with the lyrics here got me ROFL.  

I thank Alan Harper, whoever he may be 🙂

> @rslade, I think this warrants the creation of --- and your nomination for
> --- a Grammy badge.

I thank you for those kind words 🙂

Since I'm replying as a part of the test of the "reply via email" function, you may
never see this. I'm leaving the "Subject" line as it is, rather than trying to "fix" it.
This may generate a "posting failed."

====================== (quote inserted randomly by Pegasus Mailer)
rslade@vcn.bc.ca slade@victoria.tc.ca rslade@computercrime.org
Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half
never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.
- Gore Vidal
victoria.tc.ca/techrev/rms.htm http://www.infosecbc.org/links
http://blogs.securiteam.com/index.php/archives/author/p1/
http://twitter.com/rslade

[rslade]

> > Since I'm replying as
> > a part of the test of the "reply via email" function, you may never see this.
> > I'm leaving the "Subject" line as it is, rather than trying to "fix" it. This
> > may generate a "posting failed."

OK, that's one theory shot to heck ...

====================== (quote inserted randomly by Pegasus Mailer)
rslade@vcn.bc.ca slade@victoria.tc.ca rslade@computercrime.org
I summon the vast power of CERTIFICATION! ... Well, this is
embarrassing; that's all I remember from the classes.
- Scott Adams, Dilbert
victoria.tc.ca/techrev/rms.htm http://www.infosecbc.org/links
http://blogs.securiteam.com/index.php/archives/author/p1/
http://twitter.com/rslade

[j_M007]

I gave this the very first kudo,

you master of InfoSec judo.

Your lyrics are splendid,

you've left no one offended,

save the charmer in chief Justin Trudeau!

(a little bit of Canadian content in your honour) 😉

[rslade]

---

@j_M007 wrote:

I gave this the very first kudo,

you master of InfoSec judo.

Your lyrics are splendid,

you've left no one offended,

save the charmer in chief Justin Trudeau!

---

OK, a limerick for a song ...

---

(a little bit of Canadian content in your honour) 😉

---

---

... and even some CanCon!  That deserves a kudo!  🙂

(I mentioned the CBC/Stratford set of G&S plays: one actor, who plays as PooBah and the Grand Inquisitor [in two of them], does both of his characters as Justin's Dad [Pierre Elliot], and does a great, and hilarious, job in both cases.)

[j_M007]

One of the most theatrical of Canada's dynamic politicians. But wasn't he defeated by an Elmer Fudd lookalike called Joe Clark?

[rslade]

---

@j_M007 wrote:

One of the most theatrical of Canada's dynamic politicians. But wasn't he defeated by an Elmer Fudd lookalike called Joe Clark?

---

Temporarily.  Joe Clark was in for 6 months, and then we had the "18 cent" election.

Joe's physiognomy was unfortunate, the more so since he was one of the most honourable politicians that we've had in the past 50 years ...

[j_M007]

Canada has had 23 PMs, and I do agree that Mr. Clark was pretty good. Often the shorter someone holds the reins of office, the better he or she is considered by the electorate.