topic Re: The CISSP Song in Welcome

The CISSP Song

rslade — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 08:52:32 GMT

CISSP Song
Lyrics by Rob Slade slade@victoria.tc.ca rslade@vcn.bc.ca rslade@gmail.com

Sung to the tune of "The Major General's Song," from "Pirates of Penzance," by Gilbert and Sullivan

CISSP (solo):
I am a Certifiable Security Professional
I've countermeasures physical, administrative, technical
I know the ports of TCP and backdoors with malign intent
And survey risk analysis to prove the safeguards wisely spent
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters of the blackhat crew
Attendance on the IRC phrack channel makes my colleagues stew
With viruses and zero days I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the weaknesses in Usenet news

CISO Chorus:
With many cheerful facts about the weaknesses in Usenet news (etc.)

CISSP:
I'm very good at ACLs and mandatory access modes
I know the disassembled names of CPU compare opcodes
In short, in matters physical, administrative, technical
I am the very model of an infosec professional!

Chorus:
In short, in matters physical, administrative, technical
He is the very model of an infosec professional!

CISSP:
I know our mythic history, LaPadula, Biba, and Bell
I know the biometric facts, memorized CERs as well
I understand the lattice, roles, rules, and discretion base
And pseudorandomize my keys to maximize the address space
I've tokens, tickets, one-time passwords, smart cards and a kerberos
And Centralized Remote Authentication to remove the dross
I'm proof against the DoS, Man-in-the-Middle and brute force attacks
My proprietary off-the-shelf stuff's licenced and it never cracks.

Chorus:
His proprietary off-the-shelf's all licenced and it never cracks.

CISSP:
My audit logs are analysed, detect intrusions evey time
My legal counsel's up to date with all the best computer crime
In short, in matters physical, administrative, technical
I am the very model of an infosec professional!

Chorus:
In short, in matters physical, administrative, technical
He is the very model of an infosec professional!

CISSP:
In fact when I know what is meant by "data link" and "twisted pair"
When I can tell a fibre optic cable from a trigger hair
When Internet Explorer I no longer use the Web to surf
Or let my users chat on IRC on all my network turf
When I have learnt that firewalls can filter out the packets bad
When I know that the guy with foreign bank accounts might be a cad
In short when I've a wee bit of professional paranoia
You'll say a better CISSP has never addressed yuh.

Chorus:
You'll say a better CISSP has never addressed yuh.

CISSP:
For my security training, managerial though it may be
Lacks practical direction and real-world applicability
But still, in matters physical, administrative, technical
I am the very model of an infosec professional!

Chorus:
But still, in matters physical, administrative, technical
He is the very model of an infosec professional!

Re: The CISSP Song

rslade — Sat, 28 Jul 2018 20:55:34 GMT

And, yes, they did make a CISSP "Downfall" parody ...

Re: The CISSP Song

Shannon — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 05:23:00 GMT

1st time I came across the original song was while watching an episode of 'Two and a Half Men' --- wherein Alan Harper is trying to motivate his son.

Imagining him (Alan Harper) singing it with the lyrics here got me ROFL.

@rslade, I think this warrants the creation of --- and your nomination for --- a Grammy badge.

Re: Shannon mentioned you in (ISC)Â² Community

rslade — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 17:20:13 GMT

> Shannon (Contributor I) mentioned you in a post!

> 1st time I came across the original song was while watching an episode of 'Two
> and a Half Men' --- wherein Alan Harper is trying to motivate his son.

We've got a set of some Gilbert and Sullivan stuff that Stratford did in co-
production with CBC, and "Pirates of Penzance" is one of them. The actor who
played the Pirate King was, at the time, also playing Henry the V in one of the
Stratford main productions, and keeps bursting into speeches from that in the
middle of Pirates 🙂

> Imagining him (Alan Harper) singing it with the lyrics here got me ROFL.

I thank Alan Harper, whoever he may be 🙂

> @rslade, I think this warrants the creation of --- and your nomination for
> --- a Grammy badge.

I thank you for those kind words 🙂

Since I'm replying as a part of the test of the "reply via email" function, you may
never see this. I'm leaving the "Subject" line as it is, rather than trying to "fix" it.
This may generate a "posting failed."

====================== (quote inserted randomly by Pegasus Mailer)
rslade@vcn.bc.ca slade@victoria.tc.ca rslade@computercrime.org
Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half
never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.
- Gore Vidal
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Re: rslade mentioned you in (ISC)Â² Community

rslade — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 18:48:13 GMT

> > Since I'm replying as
> > a part of the test of the "reply via email" function, you may never see this.
> > I'm leaving the "Subject" line as it is, rather than trying to "fix" it. This
> > may generate a "posting failed."

OK, that's one theory shot to heck ...

====================== (quote inserted randomly by Pegasus Mailer)
rslade@vcn.bc.ca slade@victoria.tc.ca rslade@computercrime.org
I summon the vast power of CERTIFICATION! ... Well, this is
embarrassing; that's all I remember from the classes.
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Re: The CISSP Song

j_M007 — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 16:05:42 GMT

I gave this the very first kudo,

you master of InfoSec judo.

Your lyrics are splendid,

you've left no one offended,

save the charmer in chief Justin Trudeau!

(a little bit of Canadian content in your honour) 😉

Re: The CISSP Song

rslade — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 19:08:00 GMT

@j_M007 wrote:
I gave this the very first kudo,
you master of InfoSec judo.
Your lyrics are splendid,
you've left no one offended,
save the charmer in chief Justin Trudeau!

OK, a limerick for a song ...

(a little bit of Canadian content in your honour) 😉

... and even some CanCon! That deserves a kudo! 🙂

(I mentioned the CBC/Stratford set of G&S plays: one actor, who plays as PooBah and the Grand Inquisitor [in two of them], does both of his characters as Justin's Dad [Pierre Elliot], and does a great, and hilarious, job in both cases.)

Re: The CISSP Song

j_M007 — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 19:36:11 GMT

One of the most theatrical of Canada's dynamic politicians. But wasn't he defeated by an Elmer Fudd lookalike called Joe Clark?

Re: The CISSP Song

rslade — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 18:33:59 GMT

@j_M007 wrote:
One of the most theatrical of Canada's dynamic politicians. But wasn't he defeated by an Elmer Fudd lookalike called Joe Clark?

Temporarily. Joe Clark was in for 6 months, and then we had the "18 cent" election.

Joe's physiognomy was unfortunate, the more so since he was one of the most honourable politicians that we've had in the past 50 years ...

Re: The CISSP Song

j_M007 — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 21:08:07 GMT

Canada has had 23 PMs, and I do agree that Mr. Clark was pretty good. Often the shorter someone holds the reins of office, the better he or she is considered by the electorate.

Re: The CISSP Song

dcontesti — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 21:36:55 GMT

OM, I missed the original post, but I have to ask, if we ever meet up (in Person) are we suppose to put our hands on our hearts, salute each other and sing this song?

Just curious as I am tone deaf and I scare little children when I sing 😉

Re: The CISSP Song

Shannon — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 21:46:51 GMT

@dcontesti wrote:
OM, I missed the original post, but I have to ask, if we ever meet up (in Person) are we suppose to put our hands on our hearts, salute each other and sing this song?

Just curious as I am tone deaf and I scare little children when I sing 😉

d

Assuming @rslade planned for this when he composed it, there'll be a rehearsal first --- & to mitigate risks we can ensure there aren't kids in the vicinity

Re: The CISSP Song

j_M007 — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 21:56:59 GMT

The ultra-secret CISSP salute!

Re: The CISSP Song

rslade — Thu, 21 Mar 2019 02:06:13 GMT

> dcontesti (Community Champion) posted a new reply in Welcome on 03-20-2019 05:36

> but I have to ask, if we ever meet up (in
> Person) are we suppose to put our hands on our hearts, salute each other and
> sing this song?

What? You don't do this already?

====================== (quote inserted randomly by Pegasus Mailer)
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To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to
contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's
life. - T. S. Eliot
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